Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
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In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
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And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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