Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
