To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
