He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
