My boss' voice literally gives me gas
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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