you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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