Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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