Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
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