woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
