You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
