I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
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The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
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Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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