Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
