she woke up with a sticky ear
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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