Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
