what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
