Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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