Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
