I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
