Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
