She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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