She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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