look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
