Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
