His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
