i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
