the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
