I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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