I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
