He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
