I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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