Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
