you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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