There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I need a burrito and a hug.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
