Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
