you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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