I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
