return my video game
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
it's like heaven, but drunker
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
