Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
