You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
operation harelip BJ is a go
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
