I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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