i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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