yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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