The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
