those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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