i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
