I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
