i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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