Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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