I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
