my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
