Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize