She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
