I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
