He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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