Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
