there's paper in my vomit.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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