You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
