Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
