I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
