very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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