dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
