My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
