It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize