dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
