I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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