have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
