You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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