I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
