my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
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He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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