Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
