she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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