i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
