oh god the rape fog is back!
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
